The Odd Couple

      In further tales of feline comingling: it's hard to tell from this image, but these two are actually lying together, and touching. Considering Trouble's innate sense of "individuality"-- i.e., his willingness to tell other animals to fuck the Hell off, with force if necessary-- this is a little surprising, but not entirely unexpected by me, a rare witness to the fact the old bugger actually does have a soft spot that is not his gut. Jenny, of course, is ingratiating herself to him bit by bit, whether the old fart likes it or not. Yesterday, I caught him letting her clean him-- until, of course, Trouble realized I saw this, at which point he ran off and pretended she was annoying him. (She wasn't. Obviously. But that wouldn't jibe with his cranky, macho code, this cat that still thinks he's John Wayne.) Ah, he sighs, thinking back. Come May I will have had Trouble for ten years. Hard to believe, that.

      Yes, I know: I'm sure most of you are getting sick of this cat stuff. Don't worry, it'll fade from these pages-- er, screens-- soon enough.

Virgo Clowns

      Oh boy, this is so hilariously wrong I had to post it here. Let's just parse through the first section:

The past two years initiated a period of long-term and very dramatic change in your life. This trend continues and perhaps even accelerates in 2005. You are like a rocket ship headed for the stars but you're not sure which one you will hit. You are in a very exciting period in your life. Anything can happen. Any dream can come true.

No, no, no and no....

Last year should have been a prosperous one as well. There was much travel, good living perhaps even high living and financial expansion. This trend will continue in 2005.

This couldn't possibly be more wrong.

Love was very unstable in 2004 and this trend continues in 2005 and for years to come. Seems to me that most Virgos are enjoying the instability for it also brings much freedom and excitement. The space between boyfriends or girlfriends is just as interesting as when you actually have them.

Who the Hell writes this shit? "Enjoying"?!?!?! Er, no.

Most important interests in the year head are finance until October 26th; communication and intellectual interests after October 26th; home, family and domestic issues; health and work; love and romance; religion, metaphysics, higher education, foreign travel after July 28th; friendships and group activities until July 16th; spirituality after July 16th. With so many areas of interest it will be hard to keep your focus but it seems to me you are after a wider kind of development this year.

I'll not hold my breath. This year, I suspect, will be as bad as the past seven. But I have to quote this garbage, which is so vomitous that any of you reading this will likely send whatever you're drinking right through your nose (so be warned):

Though you Virgos tend to be conventional, in love you are far from it. You are making friends with and perhaps involved in love affairs with people of different cultures and ethnicities. You have thrown out all the rulebooks in love and are making up your own as you go along. The deep belief here is that you can have love and personal freedom. Many of you are finding this but not for long. Your new freedom and openness expose you to love opportunities in the most unexpected ways. Love can happen at any time and probably does. You are experiencing highs in love that few people ever experience but the lows, the crashes can also be severe. Nevertheless, you are undeterred. You pick yourself up and start again. It's all part of the process.

Oh, this is ripe. The flies are circling from the aroma, the word "undeterred" having a particularly pungent irony to it that's strong enough to cause me to lose my lunch all over the computer screen. Oy vey. The great thing about this stuff: it gets one's sneer going good and strong. I feel like Bugs Bunny, snickering away at Elmer Fudd or Yosemite Sam with the words "He don't know me very well, do he?"